So, the last few days have been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster.
Monday the 15th was the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my dear mother. I spent the day sitting and thinking about her, the good times, but it was very hard to not think of the vivid images of watching her pass away, and having to go through all by myself. It was horrible. But I know she is no longer in pain, I got through the day, and will again every year. I know that. It's the way she raised me after all!!
Then Tuesday, things fell apart. Hubby came to me very early in the morning with a massive low. The deepest depression I have seen him with. He was terrified, and frankly, so was I. I was on the phone most of the day with a Crisis Assessment Team, and helping him just get through the day. I had made a Dr appointment for him but couldn't get in until this morning. So, it was a matter of just surviving yesterday.
Today, we had a routine house inspection, just so happened to be at the same time we had to be at the Dr's. So I had to make sure the house was ready before we left for school. So a lot of the night I was cleaning. Then this morning getting the final details done, like beds made etc.
He did the Dr thing, Hubby had his medications upped. So we went to the Pharmacy to get more, then to the bank to deposit a check. By time we got home I had enough time to put on some dinner and sit for 5 minutes before I was back out for school pick up.
I bumped into my friend who made me an appointment with a psychologist for tomorrow morning. She was concerned about me, which I found overwhelmingly beautiful, but I rang and changed the appointment for Hubby instead of myself. He needs to talk to someone ASAP. So, tomorrow we are off there.
However, I am done tonight, I don't know what to do right now. I have been a shoulder for Hubby, I have mourned my mother again, and I have scrubbed the crap out of my house. All within a span of a few days. I'm spent .... Exhausted .... Falling asleep typing.
I can't be that shoulder, that mourner, that cleaning lady/slave right now. I need a rest. So, tonight, I quit. I am going to leave everything, throw the kids in bed, and sit. I'm going to switch off and be completely and totally selfish. And you know what .... I don't care.