It's over, and I want to cry!!

{{WARNING: Do NOT read this around young children!!}}

So, Holly is 9 1/2. I had a feeling this would be her last Christmas where the magic of Santa would be a reality for her.

Where she would walk into the shops and tell Santa what she would like on Christmas morning to be waiting for her under the tree. 

Where I could bribe her with good behaviour otherwise Santa will put her on the naughty list.

Where I had to answer tricky questions about Santas house and elves. (Which were getting REALLY tricky!)

Nope......

The secret has been outted to her. 

For the last 10 days (approx), she has been coming home upset. She said that all the kids in class keep yelling out "Santa's not real, it's your mum and dad!!" 

*sigh*

She already knew, she just needed the confirmation from us. 

I tried talking to the teacher, asking her what I should do. She said all but 2 children in the class, already knew the secret. She tried to reinforce the 'If you don't believe, you don't receive' saying. But, at this age, they saw through the vagueness. 

So, last night, hubby and I sat down and told her the truth.

It sucked.

It was HARD!

She cried. Not a 'you've been lying to me' cry. But a 'you just killed my Christmas spirit' cry.

It tore me in two. But deep down, she already knew. She said she knew, but just didn't want to believe it.

I thought, this year will be rotten for her, by the way she was acting, it was like we had gone and slaughtered The Jolly Man ourselves. However, a few hours, and an Ice Cream, later, she came good. She grabbed a catalogue and started circling toys and things that she thinks Santa should bring her and the boys. 

Now I have my very own, living, breathing elf! 

I am sad that the secret couldn't hold out for just one more Christmas, but, I know I can trust her to keep it a secret around the boys, and I know I now have one less child who will be asking me impossible questions. 

It is moments like this that I realise my children are growing up. I know she is only the first of my kids to find this information out, but it wont be long before they all become suss. So I am going to make sure I enjoy this time with them even more. 

Getting my Mum-mojo back

So, recently, I have lost my 'mum-mojo'. I have kind of given up a bit on my house, and being all I can be. I don't know why. Call it frustration from the monotony of it all.

A realisation

Last Friday, Hubby had to go away for work. We didn't find out until 8 pm the night before, and had to be up at 5 am, with the kids, to go to the airport to drop him off. He had been away for a few days before this, and had just gotten home about an hour earlier from that trip, before finding out he was off again. 

The kids were gutted he was off again. But, it is life, you have to work to earn a living and pay for the roof over your head, the food in your belly, and all the other bills associated with living in general, right? Right. 

I explained that to the kids and they understood as much as they could for their little ages. They didn't like it, but understood he absolutely HAD to go. 

So we took him to the airport, dropped him off, and then drove home.

It began before I even left the car park. The screaming, the bullying each other, the hitting! Ugh! Come on, it's too early for this guys! Seriously!

We got home, and started our day, only to have more screaming, hitting, taunting and nagging.

---- Insert sigh here ----

This continued ALL day! By lunchtime, they broke me. I cracked, and I became submissive to their wants. I just didn't care anymore. Anything to keep them quiet and to give my poor ears a break!

Pancakes for lunch covered in chocolate? OK!

Tim tams for afternoon tea? OK!

Me: What do you want for dinner kids? 

Them: ----Maccas!

Me: OK! Lets go get in the car and get it then

Them: ---- I don't want to get in the car....

Me: Well how do i go get it then?

Them: ---- I don't know, can't we stay here?

Me: No, it's not safe for young children to be home alone

Them: ---- Crying, and screaming.....

Me: OK, how about if you come, I'll get you an ice cream too??

Them: ---- YAAAAY!

Hold on.... what the heck happened there?!?!?!

Situations like this have been popping up more and more frequently lately. It has been driving me nuts, then at night I stay up thinking about how much of a horrible mother I am for giving in like that, and what horrible junk they are putting into their mouths. Which, is only fuel for the fire with additives etc. 

Hubby came home Saturday night. Poor Mr 5 was very ill, but we still had to head out at 7.30 pm, to be at the airport by 9 pm to pick him up. He was burning up despite the panadol, and was very tired and cranky, understandably. So I was cuddling him on my lap while waiting for hubby to get to the car. The others however, jumping around, kicking the inside of the car, screaming, and wouldn't settle down for anything. As soon as I saw hubby walking over, they were quiet, and sat patiently for him to arrive...... Frustration overload.

Later that night when we got home, put the kids in bed, and were in bed ourselves. I started crying. I spilled my guts to hubby, and he made me realise that I was being bullied by my own children. 

WOW! That realisation sucked!

I don't know how this happened. I understand that they really miss having Daddy around. I understand they hate being couped up all day because it has been raining a lot. I have tried ALL the rainy day activities I can think off. I have googled, I have pintrest-ed, I have done everything I can think of. But there is nothing quite as good as running off steam in the yard. 

I am not sharing this story as a pity party for myself. I know I dropped the ball this time. I just wanted to share with you all, in case anyone else has, or is, in a similar situation.

I don't know how to fix it. I don't claim to have answers. But sometimes just putting it out there, can lift it off your shoulders. Even if only for a little while. 

I am sure in time, they will settle, the rain will stop, and I will get my sanity back. In the meantime .... is it wine 'o' clock yet? 

 

Are you PC??

Image Credit

Image Credit

 So, we have the federal election coming up. 

Who will you vote for? The same party you have been voting for since you were legally old enough, to be forced to vote? Or are you going switch up and vote for someone else? Or, do you simply do a donkey vote?

I take my voting pretty seriously. I like to know who I am voting for, party platforms, other options, pro's Vs Con's. All that kind of Jazz....

I am curious though....

Do you look into these things??

I have spoken to many people in the past and when asked the question "Who are going to vote for?" (Of course I tell them they are by no means under an obligation to tell me). Their response was "Ugh, I don't know, probably XXXX party".

Oh .... right.... that's going to help.

My theory is, we the people, choose who we want to run our country. They get to have a major say in a lot of our goings on in our own personal lives. From how much we pay tax, how much 'assistance' via Centrelink we are allowed to get. They even get to choose what our country will do in the situation of a crisis, or, god forbid, a war. 

Now, that is a ginormous responsibility.

People, I have found CAN be very apathetic towards voting, they don't see that their vote makes a difference, and they don't care who runs their country. But you see, it is us 'little people' who, when combined, have a very loud voice. 

I think many people forget there are more then 2 parties out there. More then Labour Vs Liberal.

There are smaller parties too. Ones you probably overlook. But have you actually stopped and look at parties platforms lately? There might be something new out there that tickles your fancy, and you agree with.

There are 99 days (as of today, 6/6/13) to get yourself enrolled to vote, make sure your address is up to date, and for you to scout the party platforms. I am no expert when it comes to politics, and quite frankly, the irritate me to no end. Watching politicians together is like watching a class full of students bullying each other and yelling at the teacher that "Billy' pushed my chair".  

Here is a link to the Australian Electoral Commission website, for just in case  ..... AEC

****Disclaimer: I am not encouraging you to vote for anyone, this is just a 'make your vote count' post, with my own opinions, and thoughts. You get to choose the outcome, and you are allowed to have your own voice. ****

Why the Change?

If you follow me on Facebook then you would know, hubby and I had a massive talk, and made the big decision to change the kids schools.  This was a major choice for us, and the children, since they had only just had to move from one school in VIC to the one here in QLD last September.

I felt bad about making them move after only just getting acquainted with the new school. But there were, in our opinion, very legitimate reasons. This is a huge decision that required a lot of thought, and a lot of talking with the kids about their feelings and opinions.

A weight has been lifted....

The Love Of My Life!

Last night, from about 4.30pm, I had a massive splitting head ache. I don't know what brought it on. I don't get headaches often, and when I do they are usually tolerable, and some panadol gets rid of them pretty quickly. So when panadol didn't work, and I was making dinner, hubby came home and saw how much my head was hurting and gave me a hand. As we were eating dinner, I said to him " I can't do 'kid stuff' tonight honey, can I be 'off-duty?" He of course was happy to let me chill out, and he cleared the table, did the dishes, and did all the 'kids stuff'. When he came back into the lounge after putting them all to bed, he brought with him a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits. Just for me! Gosh I love this man! So I layed down on the couch with my cuppa, and he even surrendered the remote!! So I was mindlessly flicking the channels, but decided there was nothing on, so I gave it to him and he watched some boring doco thing on something that is of no interest to me. I ended up falling asleep on the couch at 8pm......

My little Xavier....

My little Xavier, he is struggling with his first year at school. If you follow me on Facebook then you will know he has been going through Separation Anxiety when I drop him off. He screams hits scratches and tries to run from the classroom when I leave. It has been hard, but he is slowly getting better. I take him in early so he and the teacher can play on a special iPad they found for him to use until the bell rings for the other children to go into class, so he can settle without the other kids around. He has been doing really well.

However, it seems to go from one issue to another. Now he is settling in the mornings easily enough, he has been acting out at lunchtime in the playground. I was mortified when I got a phone call yesterday afternoon asking me to come pick him up from school, as he had clawed at another boys face, and drew blood, and he bit another little boys arm. I was shocked and my eyes almost popped out of my head as this is SO out of character for him. This is the 3rd time he has done this at school.  He is a pleasant boy with a heart of gold. He very rarely hurts people and if he does it is usually only his big brother, but even then it is only in a brotherly way. They don't do 'punch on's' or anything. Just sibling scraps.

Living with a secret

Well, it is time to come out of hiding. People seem to see me and think I have it all together. I have 4 gorgeous children, a fiance that loves me and I love him. But, things are not always as they seem, and this past week it has hit me hard. Like, really hard!!

My husband to be has Bi-Polar. And it is hard.

My 2 cents - or 2 boobs rather?

Yup - I am following suit with all the other 'Mummy Bloggers' out there with this whole saga centering around David Koch.

I couldn't just sit back and not put my 2 boobs cents in. I am SO sick of this debate being raised what seems to be every 6 months or there abouts.

Woman have the RIGHT to breastfeed WHERE/WHEN they wish/need to.  

 

 

I don't understand how this is even a debate. I see more bums hanging out the bottom of underwear shorts these days then I would see of a mother feeding her child.

 

The thing is, (and here is the controversial part) it seems to be that it is primarily the male species to have an issue with this. Stop thinking with your little head! Use your head on your SHOULDERS!

 

I see celebrities, sports stars and other people in the media, whether it be social media or TV or just general Ad's that are showing off much more then mothers.

 

 

Just another point, since I am on my soapbox, why is this an issue? Why is there no coverage of the atrocities that are happening in Syria right this minute? Why is THIS an outrage and causes such an uproar when there are innocent children dying for absolutely no reason somewhere else? Or the homeless all over the world with nowhere to sleep tonight, and no meal waiting them. Or maybe the hoards of innocent people that are abused in some way or another on a daily basis? Are these not the important things we should be in an uproar and outraged about?

 

 

So in MY personal opinions conclusion. Get OFF your soapbox Kochie, no one wants to hear it any longer......

 

Sincerely, someone who tried to breastfeed, but was unable to due to personal reasons, and sincerely regrets not being able to. It is such a gift!

Trolls!!

They are cute, and they were a big hit a long long time ago! I used to love brushing their hair into all sorts of styles.

However, the topic of Trolls I am intending to write about, does not involve these cute little go getter's.

No, the Trolls I mean, are the gutless, cowardly, snively excuse for human beings, that sit behind their computer screen, and criticize others.

KEYBOARD NINJAS!!

They SUCK!! I think anyone who does this, needs to be deleted and dealt with accordingly. What is the world coming to when you can't say anything without being attacked. So many people have been seriously affected by this Internet bullying. And it is absolute (excuse the french) bullshit!!

If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything. That is what I was taught. OK so sometimes I can't sit idly by while someone does/says something that affects me, my children or husband directly. I cant. I wont! But in saying that, I wouldn't even dream of doing it online. What's the point of it??

If I have something to say to someone, I will GLADLY say it to their face. Mano a Mano!

It frightens me that this is what is happening now. Imagine when our children are older! My oldest is 8 1/2, she asked for a Facebook account (granted it was only she could play those stupid games like Farm ville etc) but it was a flat out NO from me! Not a chance in hell baby girl!

I am too scared for her to have such an account, not to mention its so unnecessary. But I am getting off the point now....


If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything! Don't type it either! It doesn't help anyone, and you come across looking like a total idiot, a coward and a douche!

Sorry for the ranting tonight, just had to get it out there!

Peace out!

xx

Lonely

Well, I just needed to get this off my chest, voice how I am feeling so it doesn't cripple me inside anymore.

I am lonely.

I have moved to a brand new state, and I know zero people. Recently there was a huge blow out with my 'family' that has been coming for years, and so now I have zero family members, and hubby is always working. Like, ALWAYS!

I have my children, of course. But sometimes all I wish for, is someone to invite me over for a coffee and a chat. A grown up chat! Not about child 1 wants a blue cup, but child 2 is already using the blue cup.

I was hoping that when the kids started school, I would be able to blend in to other mums conversations, and make some new friends. But I have found this difficult. I have gone so shy! I mean, I have never been not shy, but I have never been THIS shy. I am struggling. I need adult interaction, I miss my husband, and I miss my mum. She was always there for me to talk to. Now she has gone, there is no one. I have no confidant, I have no vent, hubby doesn't want to hear it after his long days, and I don't blame him, and try not to bother him with it. But it's becoming a plain old fact, that I am lonely. My soul aches for all I have lost. My heart aches for the love of something not there anymore. And my head aches from having to deal with children who are coping with loss and change as well.

This is my rant, and I don't mean to offend anyone, I love each and every one of you who follow me, and takes the time to comment and help me when I need it. But sometimes, a face to face conversation is worth a million likes.

Strike Vs Mother Guilt

OK, so this morning on my Face Book page I started ranting and whinging about how I have to pick up after my Hubby, often more then I have to pick up after my 4 children! I feel bad about whinging about my hubby, he works his butt off, I know this, he is often up and out of the house around 5.30am, and doesn't get home until around 6pm, often later. This leaves me the entire day to look after our children.

I hate having to put his clothes away, and clean up all his messes. If I ask him to do it, he gets stroppy and often accuses me of nagging. I try hard not to nag. I love him and respect what he does to provide for our family.

So I am curious, where is the line? I work just as many, if not more, hours then he does. I don't get a lunch break where I can sit and sit my meal that has been pre-pared for me by someone else (yup, I even make his lunches the night before), without interruption, I can't even go to the loo by myself LOL. I try my best to be the best 'Housewife' I can be without converting to 1950's mode. (Although I am quite fond of some things from back then). There is always a hot meal on the table for him, his bed is always made, snacks are ready and on demand in the fridge/pantry, I am happy to wash, dry and fold his clothes. But how can I teach our children responsibilities when they see me doing everything for someone else. It's up to me to teach the boys that women are not objects to be ready at there beck and call, and for my daughter to learn about equality between women and men ion the workplace AND at home. Just because I am an at home mother, does NOT mean I am a stepford wife. I budget, I meal plan, I pinch every hard earned penny that he makes in order to afford the things we want and need. I work my arse off!!

I deserve more respect then to assume I will put his shoes away, that I will put his clothes away, that I will take out his plate, cutlery and cup to sink in the morning, instead of taking the 2 minutes to do it himself. How do us women juggle all of this stress, pressure and assumptions upon us? The fact is a lot of us don't. I know personally I have had to battle minor bouts of depression brought on by stress. But my worst enemy is my anxiety. I get anxious about a lot. I thought hub would understand when I get these bouts as he suffers from Bi-Polar (there is another thing I take care of, but I don't mind this one, I have to watch him a lot, gauge his moods, watch his medication intake, and check scripts, make Dr appointments, and stay on top of mood fluctuations) but I don't get the same type of treatment back. If I get a bit of anxiety I'm told to get over it and I am being silly. I don't mean to bitch and whinge and rant on here about my hubby. I love him with all my heart and soul. Sometimes I just want, no I NEED some help. I have broken out in 'teenage like' pimples due to stress, and not having any time to look after myself. I have gained weight, mostly since the passing of my mother, but I don't have time to exercise. Where is the line of giving up and saying "OK, I am not doing this anymore, I am on strike" and the guilt we all feel as mothers to do the best we can for our families? I just don't know anymore....

Rant over, sorry, but thanks.

McDonalds is NOT free daycare!

OK, so usually, I do NOT 'bag out' other parents, I generally believe that most of us try to do our best and all that jazz. However, I had two, TWO, separate incidents, that made me a little mad, one more then another.

Hubby and I had to drive 1 1/2 hours to pick up the kids, his mum meets us half way to her house so neither of us has to travel 3 hours straight. Any who, we go to the service centre on the Freeway that has petrol, Maccas and KFC, you know, them places everyone stops at to have a break. Well seeing I have had 4 kids, my bladder was about to burst, so I thought I would shimmy over to the loo's and do what we do there. On my way out, I opened the door, and turned the corner. The out of nowhere - WHACK! a metal 'child proof' gate from the Maccas Playground came swinging at my face with a small child hanging on it, and into my nose it went. Not cool.
I stood there, holding onto my nose, tears threatening (you know how it is with noses). I decided I would wait to see if a parent of the child came to me to do the right thing and say sorry on behalf of the child, and so I could tell them their precious bundle of joy can in fact escape the playground, close to the door to the busy road. I waited there for 5 minutes, and no sign of the parent!! I had to go back to the car as my Mother In Law had arrived. But I was not comfortable in leaving the child there, apparently unsupervised. I didn't know what to do, I went back in there to get my kids some fries from Maccas to subdue them until we got home, and the child was sitting down with the parents. I decided not to go and talk to the parents, to let them know their child could escape, and almost made me cry in public. But I am curious, do you often find parents throwing their kids into the Playgrounds of an enclosed area, and then disappearing without a trace for much longer then you prefer?

OK, so second incident today. When we were driving to the destination to collect our kiddies, I was happily driving along, bopping my head to the music Hubby calls 'crap' (which it is not), and I look in my rear view, and there is this car 'hooning' up behind me. This Freeway is 110kpm, so you drive pretty fast as it is, but as always, you get idiots that decide they are better the everyone, and have the right to speed. They were right up my bum. They decided to cut in really close behind me to over take. I kinda just thought "whatever, be stupid". I instinctively looked over, and I gaped in astonishment! I just stared and went "OH MY GOD!" it was a mother in that car, with 3 small children in car seats. But the part that got me outraged, was the fact she had all the windows up, and was smoking!!!! I couldn't believe it. Ill admit it, as much as I hate it, I am a mild smoker. But under no circumstances what so ever, would I ever smoke in the car with my children in it, with windows up or down. EVER! This is in fact illegal in Victoria as well. So I got hubby to jot down the licence plate number, and noted what exit she took, and I rang the police when we stopped.

I know, I have been whinging a lot in this post, but sometimes, I feel like a really crap parent, there are so many things I could be doing different/better. But then days like today, I feel like SuperMum! I'm not, but I feel like it lol. I hope I did the right thing in 'dobbing in' this lady, but I just couldn't let it go. Those poor kids.

Would love to hear your opinions and views.

Tiff!