Thursday, March 7, 2013

A weight has been lifted....

The Love Of My Life!
Last night, from about 4.30pm, I had a massive splitting head ache. I don't know what brought it on. I don't get headaches often, and when I do they are usually tolerable, and some panadol gets rid of them pretty quickly. So when panadol didn't work, and I was making dinner, hubby came home and saw how much my head was hurting and gave me a hand. As we were eating dinner, I said to him " I can't do 'kid stuff' tonight honey, can I be 'off-duty?" He of course was happy to let me chill out, and he cleared the table, did the dishes, and did all the 'kids stuff'. When he came back into the lounge after putting them all to bed, he brought with him a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits. Just for me! Gosh I love this man! So I layed down on the couch with my cuppa, and he even surrendered the remote!! So I was mindlessly flicking the channels, but decided there was nothing on, so I gave it to him and he watched some boring doco thing on something that is of no interest to me. I ended up falling asleep on the couch at 8pm......

He woke me and shuffled me into bed around 10.30pm. And I was OUT of it!

I woke up this morning at 5am. When he was shuffling out the door to work. I felt like I could have jumped out of bed and done some handstands (not that I can do handstands!). I felt refreshed, and energized and I felt like the weigh of the world had somehow been lifted from my shoulders, and I was happy and free.....

What weight of the world? ...... Family....

Family is was the weight of my shoulders.

Not the family under my roof. Not my daughter and sons, and beautiful hubby-to-be. No, the extended edition of family. Aunties, Uncles, grand-parents, cousins, even siblings.

All of the extended family mentioned above, they abandoned me when my mother passed away last July. They started blackmailing me, pushing me around, pointing fingers, and criticising. It hurt. It has always hurt however. Even since I can remember, my 'family' has never seemed to like me. They have never accepted me. I don't have the slightest clue why. The only answer I can come up with is they didn't like my dad, and the fact I was his daughter was enough. That, and the fact I didn't follow them like a sheep. I'm not a sheep. I'm not a leader, I'm just a person. I believe in equality. Not a hierarchy.

So anyway, for the last 7 months (ish), I have been quite a sad, sorry for myself, sack of boring-ness. But today I feel like this has changed. I don't know if it was because I got such a big sleep. Or if it was just time. But now. I don't care anymore. I don't care that I don't have 'family'. I don't have Aunts, Uncles, cousins, siblings, grandparents, or parents. No one. I don't care because I have myself. I have my husband-to-be, I have my children, and I have my mother in law. I have all these amazing people around me because they choose to be. They choose to love me, they choose to stand by my side no matter what, and support everything I do.

They don't hurt me, they don't walk all over me, and they don't decide if I am worthy. They are my constants in life. I love them to my core. So much so, that sometimes it hurts.

Today I make a pledge. I pledge to be here, in the now, for them more. I pledge to have fun with them more,  pledge to be their rock whenever they need me. I pledge to be their number one fan. I am going to be there, having fun, all the time! I can't go on being wrapped up in the feelings that insignificant people have placed in my heart. If you want to know me, be a friend, and one day be part of my family, then you have to be there. Always. I am going to start trying really hard to make some more friends around here. Friends are family too. But I am not having it like it used to be. Where people are only half involved. I'm not going to only be there when someone needs something. I'm either in - or out. Not half way.

OK, I am going to end my little rant here. I just had to get this out this morning. My heart of so full of love for my family that it had to burst out somewhere! I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Tiff! XX


  1. Sounds like your coming out the other side Tiff. It's amazing what a good nights sleep can do for perspective.

  2. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am the baby of the family, an afterthought/suprise. My father was a hard man towards his step-kids and had mellowed when it came to me. There is a big gap between my eldest brother and I mean big. The closet sibling is 8 years older so I was constantly left out of my brothers and sister's lives. They seem to keep in touch with each other and help each other out. I don't recall the last time I spoke to any of them. Since my dad passed it has gotten worse. I decided that my family is those that I choose to have around me and those that choose to have me. Sometimes you just have to create your own. The cycle of nastiness stops with me. I refuse to be treated the way my sister decided to treat me. My kids deserve to see their mum respected and valued as does my husband. Have refused to play her games and you know what? We are so much better for it. Keep your head up, and do things your way, not the way they think you should.
    K x