Thursday, October 4, 2012

Strike Vs Mother Guilt

OK, so this morning on my Face Book page I started ranting and whinging about how I have to pick up after my Hubby, often more then I have to pick up after my 4 children! I feel bad about whinging about my hubby, he works his butt off, I know this, he is often up and out of the house around 5.30am, and doesn't get home until around 6pm, often later. This leaves me the entire day to look after our children.

I hate having to put his clothes away, and clean up all his messes. If I ask him to do it, he gets stroppy and often accuses me of nagging. I try hard not to nag. I love him and respect what he does to provide for our family.

So I am curious, where is the line? I work just as many, if not more, hours then he does. I don't get a lunch break where I can sit and sit my meal that has been pre-pared for me by someone else (yup, I even make his lunches the night before), without interruption, I can't even go to the loo by myself LOL. I try my best to be the best 'Housewife' I can be without converting to 1950's mode. (Although I am quite fond of some things from back then). There is always a hot meal on the table for him, his bed is always made, snacks are ready and on demand in the fridge/pantry, I am happy to wash, dry and fold his clothes. But how can I teach our children responsibilities when they see me doing everything for someone else. It's up to me to teach the boys that women are not objects to be ready at there beck and call, and for my daughter to learn about equality between women and men ion the workplace AND at home. Just because I am an at home mother, does NOT mean I am a stepford wife. I budget, I meal plan, I pinch every hard earned penny that he makes in order to afford the things we want and need. I work my arse off!!

I deserve more respect then to assume I will put his shoes away, that I will put his clothes away, that I will take out his plate, cutlery and cup to sink in the morning, instead of taking the 2 minutes to do it himself. How do us women juggle all of this stress, pressure and assumptions upon us? The fact is a lot of us don't. I know personally I have had to battle minor bouts of depression brought on by stress. But my worst enemy is my anxiety. I get anxious about a lot. I thought hub would understand when I get these bouts as he suffers from Bi-Polar (there is another thing I take care of, but I don't mind this one, I have to watch him a lot, gauge his moods, watch his medication intake, and check scripts, make Dr appointments, and stay on top of mood fluctuations) but I don't get the same type of treatment back. If I get a bit of anxiety I'm told to get over it and I am being silly. I don't mean to bitch and whinge and rant on here about my hubby. I love him with all my heart and soul. Sometimes I just want, no I NEED some help. I have broken out in 'teenage like' pimples due to stress, and not having any time to look after myself. I have gained weight, mostly since the passing of my mother, but I don't have time to exercise. Where is the line of giving up and saying "OK, I am not doing this anymore, I am on strike" and the guilt we all feel as mothers to do the best we can for our families? I just don't know anymore....

Rant over, sorry, but thanks.

1 comment:

  1. I really feel for you and I do understand. I am now a single parent and have to do it all myself but I will admit that it messed with me more when I was partnered and had the same issue. I find it is far more difficult then because the expectation is there that you will have help and when you dont get that help not only do you have the disappointment and extra work of having to do it yourself (again), but also being let down because of the inequality in the household workload.
    At least on my own, I know I am on my own and have to do it. Doesn't lessen the workload but sure lessens the internal struggle.
    Anyway, just wanted to say that I hear you xxx